Willpower

Back in September 29, just a couple of days after the dreaded typhoon Ondoy, I brought my father to St Lukes Medical Center for a chemotherapy session.  Prior to that hospitalization, father could still walk though I could sense how much he’s trying to resist the pain on his legs and pelvis. He was diagnosed having liver carcinoma which after some time metastasized to his bones (bone metastasis) causing the pain. The tumors on his liver still remain and worst, cancer cells spread on his bones specifically on his pelvis down to his legs making him hard to walk. Upon the advice of his Doctor, my father was confined at St Lukes to prepare him for the chemotherapy. Since this was his first time of undergoing such treatment, he needed to be observed to determine if his body could respond to it. (His previous therapies were chemoembolization and RadioFrequency Ablation which I discussed on my past entries).  However, after a couple of testing, his doctors advised us that father’s blood count is too low to undergo such intensive procedures. Basically, he has to have 150,000 to 400,000 blood platelets not to mention the required counts on other blood corpuscles. Father’s platelet is significantly low, having only 63,000 platelet count on the first blood chemistry exam. In the doctor’s attempt to have him undergo chemotherapy, father underwent several blood transfusions (approx 600ccs). They also had like three or four blood chemistry tests to verify the result. But to no avail, his platelet only went up to 90,000 count which obviously was not hitting the required blood count. He also was given various meds and vitamins at the time of the confinement. We stayed in the hospital for another 2 days but there was no development with father’s condition. One of the Doctors advised us that she could allow father to go home and just be back for monitoring after a week. She confessed then that they reached the dead end – there was no way to significantly increase his blood counts so it would be better for us to bring father home rather than to stay in the hospital and wait in vain. By Oct 03, my father was discharged from the hospital. No Chemotherapy was done. Just a huge hospitalization bill. And worst, at present, father became more ill, he can’t walk anymore, he can try, yes, but he has to endure the pain and be assisted with a monoblock chair which serves as his walker. A wheelchair is also not advisable because father can’t sit long any longer, he can try, yes, but again, he has to endure the same harrowing pain. He’s almost paralyzed and bed-ridden. And yet, he’s trying to stand it with all the strength left.  (His photo above was taken before the supposed chemotherapy at St Lukes. He still seems good there but now he looks so physically drained and extremely weak that I can't bear posting his most recent picture. I don't wanna be teary-eyed every time I open this blog). I pity him that I weep silently but I admire him more for his renewed willpower to bear such terrible condition no sane being can face as strong as he does. And I love him more and more everyday…

And he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest on me. -- 2 Corinthians 12:9

Sorrow and Joy of Transition (On Bidding Goodbye to a Dear Friend)

I hate goodbyes and the emotions that are all tied up with it. But life always comes to a point of transition. We never know what happens on the next few seconds. And transition more often than not brings sadness or some types of isolation.

Couple of hours ago, I’ve got a text message saying that a dear friend passed away. I was shocked and got teary eyed. I felt a sudden pain in my stomach. It was as if I couldn't breathe in a minute. I’ve experienced it more than once before, first was when I was about to say goodbye to a feeling I’ve been used to, and the recent one (which I always encounter) is whenever I see my father trying to endure the harrowing pain of cancer (I’ve had two blog entries on it – The Strength of a Father and Silently Weeping). But like what I’ve said, this saddening message is just too recent not to stir me. I’ve had lost relatives in the past so I could say that this feeling is not new. But this friend of mine, just 7 months older than I am, was too young to leave us just like that.

I first met him when I was in first year back in college. We both worked with the university's Students Publication Unit (The Gazette). He has always been a jolly person. He never failed to crack a joke that could make us laugh. He also used to smile like there’s no tomorrow. I remember one time when a girl sent a poem (with a picture of him with that ever glowing smile) to him entitled, “Ngiti” (Smile). Of course, things as mushy as that was something we couldn't help making fun of. We have it posted at the glass door of the office to tease him. He told us (in a funny way) that he just really had a lot of fans (ha-ha, that’s the confidence I never had). Indeed, there were no dull moments with him. He’s always too expressive and he would never keep you out of place. He would always think of something to talk about to get to know you more and to break the ice. Yea, he’s good at that – in creating icebreakers and turning your somber face a happy one.

But he’s more than just a happy face, he’s a person of responsibility and commitment. While I prefer multi-tasking (which makes me always in a rush), he’s used to commit to just one thing at a time yielding better results in a long run. There was one time when he left the pub for a semester because he needed to focus on his studies. He told us that he couldn’t commit into two things at the same time and that if he wanted something to happen, he had to put his heart, 100% into it. He did what he said and experienced the fruit of his labor and went back to the pub to perform our common passion. I could recall the time when he told me that we (Mot, he and I) should graduate Cumlaude. He wanted the three of us (batch mates both in the academe and in the pub) to prove that we were not just into extra curricular, and that while the paper was acting as a catalyst of change inside the University and in the larger society, we had to make sure that we’re leading by example, and that we’re not just motivators but more of doers. And the three of us we’re able to achieve what he hoped for (though Mot and I graduated one sem prior to him since he stopped schooling due to an illness).

Five years are more than enough to know him. He's someone you could easily get close with because he’s what he was, no pretensions, and no reservations. He’s somebody you could always trust because what he could offer was real, true and direct. He’s someone you could first ask If you look good or not, or if you do poorly or fairly normal. He would also commend you if you’re doing excellent and castigate you if you’re stepping on somebody’s shoes.

I could say a lot of good things about him, not for the sake of giving an elegy to someone departing or a tribute to an icon like what people usually do on the death (ohh, how I hate this word) of a celebrity or a public figure. Not for the idea of simply alleviating the pain of his immediate family. Not because he’s a friend of mine and the cliché “birds of the same feather flock together.” But because that’s just what he really was. On those years we spent together, I never had felt any twinge of upsetting feeling towards him; he has never offended any one; and I am confident to say that not even a single soul could hint that he or she by any chance was offended by him. Not even a single soul.

At this point in time, we are mourning for the passing of not just a loyal friend and confidante but more so of a good and a dignified person we have always known. I am teary eyed as I write this entry; perhaps I’m still on denial of losing him for a short while. I’m on a period of transition, and I will always miss the days we spent together, all the laughter, tears and dreams that we shared. I will miss his tease and jokes, his criticisms and approval. I will miss his being a friend, his being a real gem.

Anthony, wherever you are now, our prayers are with you. You’ve been an amazing person, someone we could never forget as we go along our lives. Thank you for reminding us that life is too short to waste on mundane things. You’ve imparted in us one great life lesson of struggles and survival. You’ve shown us how to smile despite the pain; how it is to live life to the fullest; to seize every opportunity; to appreciate the people around us; and to be content with whatever good thing we have and yet expecting for the best and delighting for what is to come.

You’ve just passed one great transition in life. We would really be missing you but we are glad that you are coming home to our permanent home in heaven anytime soon. There will be no more pain there. The pain of leukemia or any type of affliction can never reach you there. You’re going to be in your rightful place in eternity, where love and joy reign and where you can devote your passion all you want.

I rather not say goodbye for I know that I will still meet you and be with our heavenly Father in my own Victory Day.

Thank you my friend. Till we meet again. 

*Our dear friend, Anthony Galisanao, 23 yrs old, passed away on Sept 09, 2009 after over a year of struggle against leukemia.

Multifaceted Love?

I know it’s cliché to say that love is multifaceted. Each facet has been explored in philosophy, art, literature and religion but it remains an enigma yet to fathom by the human mind. Perhaps, its complexity is the challenge why we keep on trying to grasp its every surface, maybe, to fill the gaps in between our lives.

I’ve never been ‘strongly attached’ to anybody else besides my family and friends. Why? Because I never met someone to whom I could open up everything about me. I am afraid of rejection and disapproval. I always remain reserved. I never tried admitting even to myself that I feel admiration or love to somebody else. I contest such feeling for fear of being rejected afterwards. I would rather resist it than fall and found myself broken into pieces. They often say, ‘how would you know if you don’t try.’ True, but I never had the courage to escape from the shadow of fear. I would rather sacrifice my feeling than admitting to someone that I adore him.

With that set of mind, I never thought about anything related to romantic love leading to courtship and marriage. My plan was I would adopt a child (from my younger sisters and brother) and treat him as my own. I would take care of my parents (my sisters and brother at that time might be happily married and have a family of their own) while serving the Lord. By then, I was too sure that I would be okay and content…

Have you ever experienced glancing at someone you don’t know, yet you feel an instant connection between the two of you?
Have you ever wondered why you felt so inspired by simply thinking of another person while admitting to yourself that he’s not really just ‘another person’?
It’s as if everything he does appears to be amazing and you’re more than delighted in knowing every detail of him.
Have you ever felt of wanting to freeze the moment you are with him or perhaps rewinding whatever bonding moments you have had together?
And have you ever come to a point on which you can’t help getting a vision of your lifetime with him without knowing why?

I could come up with so many questions pertaining to this strong emotion that we always associated with love but I tend to pause for a while if I ask myself why I feel such. I’m an idealist by nature, I apply the art of reasoning most of the time and I always succeed. But all of a sudden, I came face to face to something on which I couldn’t reason out anymore. I could try stretching all the neurons in my brains but I couldn’t grasp a precise answer. I hated that feeling of newness but that was the time I decided to surrender, and perhaps, to have another option as to where my life is leading to.

To sum this up, I could say that love is not multifaceted at all; it never has been a complicating idea. It’s just what it is: pure, honest and sincere. You can try defining it all you want and get yourself punished. But it needs not to be defined; it simply has to be felt. And you have to accept the fact that it does not follow logic, it simply appears to your senses. And having felt it is enough to bring you in a ‘three-fold utopian dream…’ (Thanks Incubus for the term ^.^)

There’s a patient heart waiting for me. And if that love is still there by the time I’m ready, who am I not to give that love a chance?

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/queenscents/2134909465/

Love Musing

I find it difficult to share something about love -- that so called ‘romantic love’ terrifies me while most of the women my age get overwhelmed by it. I dunno but my fear comes from the thought of being unprepared, here I go again…

Truth is, (well asides from my parents disapproval of me having a relationship because of being the head of the family) I’m scared of expecting too much from love (but I still do). I don't wanna get disappointed. I want to treasure all the good sides of it though I know that it would be impossible to completely feel it without getting hurt. I’ve had a real conversation with couple of friends who actually had felt the pain of losing someone they terribly loved, and I, being an attentive listener empathized with them while deeply praying that these heartaches won’t happen to me. I find it ridiculous if somebody you just met would eventually tell you how he loved you on that instance. Oh well, there may be a strong attraction but love I guess is another story yet to come. But to tell you honestly, I happen to have met and befriended two men who after some time revealed how they loved me the first time they saw me. I might have gone flattered but instead I chose to just laugh at the idea. Why? Because LOVE is not as shallow as that.

I’m a type of person who’s used to go against the flow. It’s not that I’m trying to attract attention, I just don’t feel like following the norm. Since I’m speaking my heart about love, let me reveal my convictions and insights on this regard:

First, I would want my first real love be my last. But things don’t always happen the way we want it to be. Things have their own ways of getting into our lives uncontrollably, and sometimes, without us noticing them. It may not always be something we are expecting but we will definitely end up learning from it.

Second, I have this perception that love is not something we seek for. If it’s meant to be yours, it’s yours no matter what. Time and distance will conspire just to direct both of you towards that specific place and time you never know existing. You would just know it when you get there.

Third, love never runs out despite the distance. It may fade but it never dries up, it stays there waiting, enduring, wanting… because true love never gets tired.

Finally, I agree with a friend that love is mental conditioning. It’s not something you would feel right away. Have you heard a new employee saying, “Oh I love this job very much.” Don’t you think it’s illogical? How would you love something you haven’t experienced yet? Likewise, how would you say you love someone without you getting to know every detail of her? Without you spending your time with her? Love being a mental conditioning is a process. You choose the person you would want to love (it’s where attraction seeps in) – you would definitely prefer the one you feel attracted to. Then you would try doing the impossible just to be with her (I call this courtship) – just to please her. Eventually, if everything turns out good, you would be into ‘something’ (they call it commitment). This stage is crucial for it is when you would allot your time and invest your emotions to the extent in the attempt to CONDITION your mind of loving the person you choose to love. At the same time it will be your ‘turning point – the affirmation to your feelings. Surely, there would always be a rough road, that’s normal, just enjoy the ride, avoid doing shortcuts, cross the river when you get there… that’s when you would be able to test if that love is meant to be, that is, if you’re still able to reach your destination with him at the driver’s seat.

But to tell you honestly, I happen to have met and befriended two men who after some time revealed how they loved me the first time they saw me. I might have gone flattered but instead I chose to just laugh at the idea.The first I met six years ago. Where is he right now? Somewhere there. He’s still there hanging, but I had a change of heart. The second one? He’s just sitting there, approximately 35 feet away from me. I don’t know what to expect. I won’t expect at all.


photo credit : moemoechi's photostream

Mumble...

I would like to talk about beautiful things, about goodness, about virtuosity, about nobility, about happiness, about all the good stuffs here and there. I want to write something pleasant. I want to inspire people. But words don’t seem to come out no matter how hard I try to think about it. I feel so down as if the world is full of negativity. I feel so sad. And I’ve been on this state for a quite a while. Have I been so far away from the Source of My Strength that I’m starting to forget how to smile genuinely and become less cynical? I don’t know but I started to have a heavy heart. There’s like a twinge of pain in my heart that I’m trying to heal. Or have I really been trying? I’m starting to question myself and my individuality though as far as I remember, I’ve always been too sure about myself, I’ve always known where I’m going and where I’m leading to. But I feel indifferent today. I’m in desperate need of motivation. I need to get inspired. I need to have that ‘purpose’ again. It’s a shame to be as transparent as this for fear that others might feel the same way, but by admitting that I am little and weak makes me feel more human, more in need of something to hold on to. And the more I accept that I’m weak and incapable, the more I humble myself, the more I crave for something powerful to take over, and the more I yearn for His presence and find myself at peace again, in His Loving Arms.

Meet You in the Outer Space

The following is an excerpt from the lyrics of the song sung by Time and Distance entitled ‘Addicted.’ Surprisingly, I realized that I’ve been listening to this song numerous times that I tend to feel (and imagine) the atmosphere the song conveys. It’s a blend of acoustic and ballad, fine harmony and great rhythm asides from the lyrics that’s a bit mushy but captivating. I believe that it’s about a lost love -- that so-called ‘not-meant-to-be love,’ acceptance, letting go, and the pain of losing it. (Listen to it, you’ll know what I mean.)
Sad but there's really love that's not meant to be. This is ‘that thing’ that you can always have because you can’t posses it. It remains in your deepest thoughts where boundaries don’t exist and where you can have it not just for a fleeting moment.


Where are you tonight?
I'm writing this letter, remembering every sky
and this picture is a "shot to the heart"
of when I drove home and said I’d never forget you.

Like the time when the clock read 11:11,
you said "make a wish,"
so I wished that we'd never go our separate ways,
or say a thousand bitter things,
but now I see that wishes are nothing.

And I hope that someday this place can be everything
you hoped it could be,
but the ocean's too cold,
and I can't take the sun.
yeah, it's just not the place for me - so give it up.

I remember spring
and how good it felt to be addicted to you.
Every day and night,
I swore that we could win this,
and the distance brought me closer to you.

We'd lay in wet grass as the night rolled by,
talking about all our friends as all of them were getting high.
sometimes I look up at the sky and think of you.
I wonder what you do,
because I am without you.

The Strength of a Father

I have always wanted to write an entry about my father, but I find it hard to start it. Apparently, I ran out of words, maybe because my heart knows better, feels better… My emotions soar and my tears always run down like a downpour. It’s difficult for me to express how aching it is to talk about his illness. But now, I’m going to give it a try. For some reasons, I want to release the tension and the worry I have gone through when I’ve known that he only had 3-6 months to live.

Let this be my moment to express my sincerest thanks to God, despite the pain, father is at home and recovering. He has undergone series of Chemoembolization at the University of Santo Thomas (UST) – Hospital, and a Radio Frequency Ablation (RFA) session in Chinese General Hosptal. The former is to stop the cancer cells from metastases while the latter is aimed to totally (and hopefully) exterminate the tumors. I thank God that his body is strong enough to undergo such intensive procedures. The dreadful three-to-six months have gone by; it’s more than a year of hopeful days, and father is still holding on and clinging to a Faith that has given him peace of mind despite the constant shackles. And I believe that he will keep on fighting for the glory of God, for us his family, and for his purpose of serving the Lord.

Father has been diagnosed having hepatocellular carcinoma sometime last year. It’s a primary malignant cancer of the liver which may have rooted from hepatitis B or C or cirrhosis (which is caused primarily by too much alcohol intake or cigarette smoking). Ironically, father has never been alcoholic, or should I say, he never takes alcohol nor smokes cigarettes all his life which make us wonder why this cancer chooses him as prey. Since the time I’ve known about father’s teminal cancer, I read everything the Net has stored about the disease. I learned too that the illness is deadly within 3 to 6 months. That’s just so punishing to bear in my part.

By the time father learned about the truth, he was definitely alarmed, but he remained calm. Though I know that father used to always act that way, I know how he feels; I can feel how afraid he is, but I’m also certain that it’s not a common fear – it’s the fear of leaving a particular state without being prepared to. I got surprised on how father faced this painful reality — he submitted himself to the Lord, asked forgiveness of his sins, and started to have a strong personal relationship with Him – a strong bond that helps him endures the pain and lives each day with a hopeful heart. Most of all, it takes away all the fear he has had before. I then realized that human fear does not plainly or solely root from something that illicits it (in my father’s case – his illness). I could say that He’s not afraid of his sickness, he’s actually brave to fight it and to survive. His fear comes from being unprepared to leave, and I realized that the only thing to surpass it, is simply to have himself prepared when the time comes that the Lord wants to have him there with Him.

From then on, I know that father has developed a new vision and a new sense of being, that despite the ticking of clock, he would fight to live towards the path the Lord has long prepared for him. It’s not a matter of how long he’ll walk on it nor the distance he would walk in, it’s how prepared he is now – with the truth in his heart and with the eternal life he will have when the right time comes. And for that, I’m forever grateful.

Ironic

Indicators in various forms direct us at most points in our lives. Clocks and watches incessantly tick to indicate morning, noon and night, thus it separates daytime and night time. Traffic lights are flamboyant to organize road tripping so as pedestrians and numerous road signs and symbols to avoid street accidents. You hear the bells ring signaling the churchgoers, tying the knots between fated lovers, or urging the students to take their snacks. More so, performance, skills, eloquence, quality and so many things under the sun are determined by key points – we call it grades, scores, QAs, surveys , votes, and many others. Those are the figures that help shape the society’s standards; these are the indicators that help separate the poor from the mediocre or the mediocre from the overachievers. Figure-indicators help us deliberate, ponder and decide who to retain, recognize and distinguish. Needles to say, it helps us promote objectivity and fairness.

In a classroom scenario, teachers and professors base their students’ performance on the results of their exams. Examinations in the form of quizzes and periodical exams are given and in the end, it serves as the deciding factor as to who will be in the honor list. Again, this scheme upholds objectivity and fairness in the academe.

Social Weather Stations or SWS, one of public opinion polling bodies in the country is said to play an active role in the Philippine Democracy through the conduct of surveys, particularly the opinion polls, pre-election polls, exit polls, social weather surveys, quality of life indicators, and others. Arguably, conclusions in all situations are based on figures, on vote turn outs thru random sampling. Through careful planning and sound methodology, they are able to present an unbiased result, not skewed to anybody else or any subject favorable only to a number of people. Yet again, this is to sustain objectivity and fairness.

During an election, people cast their votes and whoever among the political candidates garners the most number of votes declares the winner. No question about it. Figures say it all. Electoral fraud or scam is another story.

In Call Center settings, call center agents (be it Customer Service Representative or Technical Support Representative) are evaluated and ranked based on their Key Performance Indicator (KPI) thus in every period, there will always be someone to commend for being the ‘top Agent’ of the month and so on. KPI as what it explicitly states – KEY PERFORMANCE INDICATOR is the main if not the sole basis of one’s productivity, quality, and rank. Generally, KPI comprises of the number of calls taken daily, call facing time (CFT), voice and logging (QA) with troubleshooting steps done and accuracy of solution, manager’s assessment (which is also subdivided into schedule adherence, behavior/attitude, and homework), sales and logging percentage. By basically looking at it, we could say that KPI serves as the defining factor whether or not a call center agent is doing his job or not; or whether or not he needs to be promoted or retained in a certain post – hence it’s called KEY PERFORMANCE INDICATOR. But something happens recently that would inevitably make you vulnerable and insecure while aiming for a higher post. You can’t help wanting to turn back the hands of time to the moment you should have not desired for something anticipating and challenging. Unexpectedly though, you can’t help wishing to revert to where you were before. It was like sailing into the ocean, trying to sail farther only to find out you had to get back ashore because you had no strength to face the storm. Or to desire joining the battlefield only to be instructed to get home because you were not trained enough to win the battle. Both scenarios make sense in achieving victory but if that happens simply because somebody ‘thinks’ (based on their so called ‘sound judgment’ and ‘careful thoughts’) that you’re not ‘fully armored’ to win the battle, that’s another side of the story; especially if you have proven your worth, and at some point has exceeded the existing goal not to mention the ‘figures’ you have worked hard for to stay. It’s not like bragging, it’s just an attempt to show the irony of having good ‘figures’ but have been declined of something. It’s like winning the lottery for having the 6-digit figures but was not given the prize.

The Society has been attempting to eliminate subjectivity all along, hence we have electoral poll, so as the figures of vote turn outs would be the lone basis of who should take the presidency. Imagine a country without the proper electoral proceedings, wouldn’t it definitely be a chaotic country with inhabitants arguing (and perhaps killing) as to who they think should lead the country. We do have personal perspective about all things so you can’t just claim that one person does good, better or poor based on your own or even a group’s perception. That’s the definitive reason of KPI’s existence, so we can draw the thin line separating the objectivity from subjectivity. No living being is entirely objective, our judgment is inevitably inclined to prejudice, and thus we need something to rely on to at least be fair enough in a particular situation, in delivering our ruling or on deciding on something. There should always be a reference point, a performance indicator that we need to consider so as to mar our credibility as a decision maker.

A QUANTITATIVE indicator is always more reliable than the qualitative, which is why court proceedings are time consuming. There is no figure to rely on; they have to rely on the witnesses’ testimonies which at times tarnish their findings. KPI is quantitative, it’s a figure, it’s exact, direct to the point, and again, it’s the performance indicator from your attendance, QA or call quality down to your behavior and work attitude. It defines you as an employee. So if there’s something that needs to be decided on, KPI should at AT LEAST be taken into consideration. If you’re a TSR and troubleshooting they say should be given the top priority, then, can we not consider the recordings that were evaluated by the CAD (Coaching and Development) Team or the QA specialists for that purpose. Is it not the reason why they are hired and being paid for? Is a 100% accuracy of solution in the entire month not enough to say that a particular TSR at least knows what he’s doing? Is a more than 90% QA score not enough to confirm that his call at least has quality? IRONIC! I’m not saying that KPI and QA figures should be the only basis of confirmation to a certain position, retention or promotion but at least, it should be given due consideration. Live its purpose. Learn to uphold objectivity and fairness.

A Li'l Bit of Me

I love simplicity and solitude. They both give me a space to grow against the rush and complexity of the world outside. Quite time offers great deal of learning thru introspections and prayers. It doesn’t mean I’m a loner. I just enjoy it unlike others who are scared being alone. While solitude helps me know myself more, simplicity helps me enjoy what I presently have. It doesn’t mean being stagnant though; instead it drives me to aim more for the better, driven by craving for improvement and excellence, not by vanity and egoism.
I never prejudge a person, which is why I hate gossips and any sort of telltales.
I am open-minded though I am often judged as not. It might be because I set ideals for myself. And I stand for it. I might be misunderstood. But it’s ok, I know myself better than they do.
I appreciate constructive criticisms but I ignore destructive ones.
I don’t keep grudges and I pity those people who do.
I learn to forgive those I hate and I learn to move on from whatever I encountered with them.
I am assertive if I have to be. Assertive. Not rude.
I go against the flow if I have to. I dislike ‘bandwagon.’
I learn to accept that I am weak and incapable on some aspects of life. I learn to accept my defeat and struggle to achieve improvement.
I learn to gain positive things from negative experience. There are no such things as regrets, they are simply LEARNING.
I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. And that we’ve been part of somebody’s life because we have to learn something from them and them from us.
Like any one of us, I am under ‘construction.’ Good thing, I learn to learn in every circumstance and acknowledge my Creator above all things.

Let me share w/ you this passage. Hope it will refresh you as how it does on me...

As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him,
in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do?
You never did let go."
--LET GO AND LET GOD

The following poem is created by my former colleague in the 'publication, Samantha Nicholas. (Thanks ate Sam for this beautiful poem ^.^)

We find love in the strangest places, in the unimaginable miles of our mind, in the presence of the shallow waters, we chose to go deep, and in that distant ocean, where all things lie equal, when waiting for your count, timeless sounds of my life, i'll let my body drown, into your memories of love...

--Love, Seashells and the Seashore
by Samantha Nicholas

A Quick Pragmatist's Preach

life is tough.
you must be tougher.

life is unpredictable.
only if you set no goal.

life is boring.
amuse yourself.

life is sad.
stay happy.

life is short.
seize every opportunity…

you are how you live your life.
So am i.