The Strength of a Father

I have always wanted to write an entry about my father, but I find it hard to start it. Apparently, I ran out of words, maybe because my heart knows better, feels better… My emotions soar and my tears always run down like a downpour. It’s difficult for me to express how aching it is to talk about his illness. But now, I’m going to give it a try. For some reasons, I want to release the tension and the worry I have gone through when I’ve known that he only had 3-6 months to live.

Let this be my moment to express my sincerest thanks to God, despite the pain, father is at home and recovering. He has undergone series of Chemoembolization at the University of Santo Thomas (UST) – Hospital, and a Radio Frequency Ablation (RFA) session in Chinese General Hosptal. The former is to stop the cancer cells from metastases while the latter is aimed to totally (and hopefully) exterminate the tumors. I thank God that his body is strong enough to undergo such intensive procedures. The dreadful three-to-six months have gone by; it’s more than a year of hopeful days, and father is still holding on and clinging to a Faith that has given him peace of mind despite the constant shackles. And I believe that he will keep on fighting for the glory of God, for us his family, and for his purpose of serving the Lord.

Father has been diagnosed having hepatocellular carcinoma sometime last year. It’s a primary malignant cancer of the liver which may have rooted from hepatitis B or C or cirrhosis (which is caused primarily by too much alcohol intake or cigarette smoking). Ironically, father has never been alcoholic, or should I say, he never takes alcohol nor smokes cigarettes all his life which make us wonder why this cancer chooses him as prey. Since the time I’ve known about father’s teminal cancer, I read everything the Net has stored about the disease. I learned too that the illness is deadly within 3 to 6 months. That’s just so punishing to bear in my part.

By the time father learned about the truth, he was definitely alarmed, but he remained calm. Though I know that father used to always act that way, I know how he feels; I can feel how afraid he is, but I’m also certain that it’s not a common fear – it’s the fear of leaving a particular state without being prepared to. I got surprised on how father faced this painful reality — he submitted himself to the Lord, asked forgiveness of his sins, and started to have a strong personal relationship with Him – a strong bond that helps him endures the pain and lives each day with a hopeful heart. Most of all, it takes away all the fear he has had before. I then realized that human fear does not plainly or solely root from something that illicits it (in my father’s case – his illness). I could say that He’s not afraid of his sickness, he’s actually brave to fight it and to survive. His fear comes from being unprepared to leave, and I realized that the only thing to surpass it, is simply to have himself prepared when the time comes that the Lord wants to have him there with Him.

From then on, I know that father has developed a new vision and a new sense of being, that despite the ticking of clock, he would fight to live towards the path the Lord has long prepared for him. It’s not a matter of how long he’ll walk on it nor the distance he would walk in, it’s how prepared he is now – with the truth in his heart and with the eternal life he will have when the right time comes. And for that, I’m forever grateful.